Reflection: thoughts on a previously infertile life

Im not very good at keeping up with this and alot has happened since the last time I blogged. I got a job, got pregnant, had the baby and quit my job to stay home with her.
Lorelai Grace was born 7-7-11 weighing 5 lbs 11oz. She was about a month early but didn't have to go into nicu or anything. I am very blessed to have her and she is the answer to all my prayers for a child. She is well worth the almost 5 years of struggling through trying to conceive.
She is 2 months old and I still have trouble believing that she is mine. I wasn't supposed to be able to have her, and she is my little miracle.
It's very nice to now be able to see a pregnant woman, or a woman with children and not want to break down in tears, although I remember the feeling well: the desire, the emptiness, the jealously and the ache. Even if i could go back and tell myself that it would all be ok, just to have a little more patience, I don't think I would. Going through what I did made me who I am. It taught me lessons. It made me strong.
I survived a miscarriage. It taught me that a pregnancy doesn't always equal a baby. So with my pregnancy with Loerlai I cherished each and every day. Every discomfort, milestone, and pound reminded me that my baby was growing and healthy and I was happy, because I knew just how easily it could all be taken away.
The waiting taught me patience. I appreciate the time with my daughter. She is already growing too fast and I don't want to miss any moment with her.
I prayed. A lot. I prayed when I wasn't even sure anyone was listening. I stopped after awhile because it hurt too much and I wasn't sure what I believed anymore or if I believed at all. I gave up. Once I found out I was pregnant, I began praying for the baby to be ok, even though I didn't think I had the right to pray. This all taught me to have faith. My prayers were heard and answered even though I had long given up waiting and stopped believing.

But through all that happened, I survived. I did it. I am a mother. I am mommy. I have my beautiful daughter here with me and my angel baby in heaven and with Brandon by my side I am filled with more love than I ever knew existed and I wouldn't change a thing.