Trying for baby #2

We've made the MONUMENTAL decision to try for baby #2. I'd been toying around with the idea of trying again since Lorelai's first birthday, but I think what sealed the deal was when I had to take a pregnancy test and was disappointed because it was negative.  I've spoken to my OB/GYN and we're good to go.

What I'm finding harder, even than the decision to expand our family, is not obsessing over it. I am not a person that just gets pregnant, we really struggled last time.  Month after month, doing everything we knew, and still not succeeding. This time around, I KNOW that we are able to conceive.  I don't have that thought hanging over my head of 'what if we never have kids?' it is possible because we've done it. But I have jumped into this journey and hit the ground running.  The  first month trying and I've already started taking ovulation tests, and charting my temperature.  I want it to happen RIGHT NOW! I don't want to go through the next couple of years, month by month waiting for a second miracle.  I will, but I don't want to.  I don't want to start back at zero ( not charting, or planning in any way) because in my experience that doesn't work.  So I'm going full out, but this time with a more positive outlook on the future.I spend any free time (I have a toddler, it's not much) thinking about my chart, and what I can do.  When in fact, we've already confirmed ovulation, so now it's nothing but a waiting game.  Which I hate.  I'm super impatient.  I want to know now, and I can't stop thinking about the possibilities.  I want to share my small wins with others, but "Hey, guess what! I ovulated!!" makes for awkward conversation (not that it stops me)   When we were trying for Lorelai, I didn't share much with anyone.  At the time I felt that it was a very private matter, but that also made it very lonely.

I know this is just the first cycle, but I feel more positive about this than I ever did trying for Lorelai.  I'm just praying that my optimism doesn't get squished.  So until it's time to take a pregnancy test, I'll just keep pinning stuff to my secret "baby fever" board on pinterest and hope that all my friends and family don't think I'm crazy :)